read or listen, your choice

Stop runnin.

You can take it.

You was talking all that shit, now look at you.

LOOKING LIKE A DAMN FOOL about to risk burning, dignity and your FUTURE FUCKING BLOODLINE just to get a weak nut off. But if I ask you to talk about your feelings.. silence. How backwards is that? It was “LET ME HEAR YOU” a second ago, now it’s “type shit”.

YOU’RE A VICTIM!

But don’t worry. I know how it feels when you can’t hear out your left eye and taste in your right. I am not here to clock your tea, just here to make you think about your actions and others.

The suppression of feelings is not an abnormal experience, nor is it something to be ashamed of. The world is not typically a safe place to be unapologetically yourself. The U.S. is literally the biggest illusion of freedom. Our 1st Amendment is about freedom of speech but at the same time I will erase curriculum/words that has to deal with people being…

Dare I say it… DIFFERENT! (Shocked audience noise)

As I was saying! I overstand the scrutinizing battle against your feelings. It is hard to function when your head and heart don’t align. Cognitive Dissonance. Just ask Troy Bolton how he felt when them niggas was tryna say he was gay for liking the arts and proceeded to then try to jump him in interpretive dance.

I listen and I don’t judge, hence my career path. So because I adore and love aiding others to be the best version of themselves, you’re gonna take this truth.

Don’t tap out now. I’m just getting started.

SPREAD EM WIDDEEEEEEEEEEE

Now… I’m going to hold your hand when I say this.

Are you willing to go meat to meat but therapy is where you draw a line? You know only you can prevent wildfires.

It’s odd really, it seems we only like to go deep in certain areas. We love to feel something in our stomachs, but when it’s anxiety/fear we crash out.

All that Chrisean behavior all over an emotion you don’t understand nor plan to deal with (healthily). Be scared of feelings like you owe it money or sumn. Hidin forever like Ricky or sumn…

There is a difference between eating it off the bone (as freaked out people say) and picking at the plate. One of these people is full, while the other is salivating?

Are you Hungry or Do you Just Want to Eat?

What are you consuming? Is it real? Is it Fake? I feel like most people equate to a Synthetic wig mixed with Human hair. For a minute it seems cool until you can’t get that hoe to lay down anymore. And if it is as ‘real’ as we claim it to be. Are you like KD and find the easy way out or like Lebron AND BUILD YOUR SHIT BRICK BY BRICK.

What does it hurt to be vulnerable? Honestly. Your pride? Your ego? How you perceive yourself or how you think others will?

I know why you do it. You don’t want to get your feelings hurt. Isn’t it crazy that someone playing with your feelings seems to be even scarier than putting your tongue on someone’s peehole.

It’s almost like…. your mental health is important?

And any way you phrase why you keep information to yourself: I’m private. No one deserves my presence. They won’t get it anyway. They’re better off without it. They won’t care. They will just criticize me. They won’t like the answer. It’s my business not theirs. They will think I’m weak. I don’t know how I feel or where to start. They will know too much.

They might not see me the same anymore.

All this shows us is how far one will go to protect themselves from their emotions. When in fact, it’s just proving that you’re scared of yourself and not those other people.

It’s about you, stink.

In my classes we learn that no person, event, or words can make you “feel” anything. This is of course excluding physical/psychological oppression where choices become an illusion and survival kicks in. We can see this in how propaganda and forced societal standards are spread around the world, creating both conscious and unconscious bias.

The same way society calls little boys “heartbreakers,” or how most people picture a woman when they hear the word housekeeper. Shit, even the way I just used the words “boys” and “women.” Even when it’s not inherently bad, it’s still reinforcing something. The words themselves are just descriptors, but when they carry historical weight, power imbalances, or bias, that’s when they start to feel heavy.

And we’re all aware (I hope) that there are external factors that trigger how we Think/Act/Feel even when it’s not our natural instinct. Trauma, your environment, your upbringing, your DNA, oppression — all of it can change how you show up in the world.

I never said this was going to be easy nor is it always “fair,” but the second you give up on combating your thoughts/feelings/actions is the second you become an accomplice to your own demise.

So yes, you’re a victim of society.

Yet at the same time, you’re also a survivor of all the pressures of the world.

Ask ourselves do you want to live or do you want to be alive?

If we really sit with that line, it asks something uncomfortable deeper into this outstanding sentiment: Do you want to be apart of the betterment of yourself or the destruction? Do you want to live in fear or pride in who you actually are as a person?

I can promise you one constant in your life is that you will be shown new parts of yourself frequently.

Will you be the one to ignore the signs?

Will you turn the other cheek when your nervous system is clearly malfunctioning?

Meaning:

-Getting exhausted trying to talk to someone who makes you feel like you have to prove yourself.

-Staying in something that’s slowly deteriorating because being alone feels scarier.

-Lashing out at someone because you were triggered and didn’t know how else to respond.

-Feeling irrationally irritated by the way someone else exists.

What if I told you, you could just

be.

Opinions, income, productivity, appearance, “status,” your love life, intelligence, past mistakes or experiences etc… do NOT define you.

You don’t need to earn your right to exist.

But what does that mean? How do you still feel worthy without putting power into anything I just listed?

Stop scratching the surface and go deep dive into yourself.

Once you see the pleasure in working on getting to know yourself, you will never let anything else be a symbol of your worth. You will start realizing it was simply you after all. And that is the most special thing within it’s self.

So do you plan on looking the “threat”, aka yourself, in the mirror? Or lie in defeat ;)?

Your body will always tell you when you feel in danger/intense emotion, even mentally. Love the shame, guilt, pain, struggle, envy, anxiety etc. It is all a part of you. And just like it showed in the movie Inside Out, these emotions don’t want to cause havoc, it’s simply because they care.

Fuck it, let them hoes win sometimes! Slam the door to your room and sit in the angst to see if your guardian is about to cuss you out or not.

Clear a bitch so good that their vision is too bright afterwards.

Shittttt punch a hole in that wall if you just figured out yo hoe goin.

But don’t make that your personality. That is not the only part of you!

It is okay to express duality. Again ask Troy Bolton! Y’all heard Bet On It TF! Once you understand duality then you will realize how to stop giving af about the niggas who could never even attract a Gabriella.

Or you could continue to dickride your friends for validation.

Don’t fall into the groupthink of misery and become the next hoe who is, in fact, going.

The same shit that had yo chest hurtin, huh…?? So if you can’t beat em join em….?

ION WANNA HEAR DAT WEAK SHIT, HOE STAND UP

Don’t become the traits about yourself that can be harmful. That includes feelings you label as “good” or “bad.”

The more authentic you become, the less you will ever doubt you. Because questioning you is questioning everything in the world.

When you doubt yourself, you’re not just questioning one choice, you’re questioning the instrument doing the choosing. It’s like doubting your own eyesight and then trying to navigate traffic.

When you distrust yourself:

• You second-guess your reactions
• You over/under-analyze other people’s intentions
• You can’t tell intuition from fear
• You don’t trust joy, clarity, or discomfort

So everything becomes unstable, not because the world is unstable, but because the reference point is. Sooooo…..

-Pour into yourself so others know how to pour into you.

-Create boundaries so people know how to treat you.

-Speak your mind even when it feels hard or you can’t find a point to.

When you start really doing you, there will never need to be a point.

But the only way of quote being fr endquote… is to want it.

-How bad do you care to honor yourself?

-How bad do you care to stop hurting others because you’re incapable of processing your feelings?

-How bad do you want to attract fruitful people, opportunities, or your peace of mind?

-Honestly… how bad do you truly care about yourself?

You owe yourself to yourself.

Your soul is dying for something real, some indication that if anybody understands… it’s you.

So I’ll ask you again. Are you Hungry or Do you Just Want to Eat?

You can work on this by engaging in creative outlets that make you utilize your intuitive side. Start by paying attention to who you become in different environments. Notice where your shoulders tense up the second you walk in. Notice where you start explaining yourself before anyone asks. Notice the spaces where you suddenly get quiet, or obnoxiously loud, or feel the need to impress. Those reactions are information.

Then notice the opposite. Where do you forget to check your phone? Where do you stop rehearsing what you’re going to say? Where do you feel slower, softer, more grounded, or even bored in a way that feels peaceful instead of empty? Those places are showing you what your nervous system trusts.

Doing this means choosing environments that you didn’t need to prove yourself to belong. Choosing routines that don’t rely on adrenaline or validation to feel alive. It’s less about finding yourself and more about removing what distorts you.

Find out who you would be if you could just be.

Now if you’re still reading, I promise we’re on the home stretch!

We’re all just trying ways of being, figuring out what fits, what doesn’t, and what feels true. Sometimes that process is loud, messy, and unfinished, and that’s okay.

It’s okay to identify with a side, a system, a concept, or none at all. We are meant to explore our minds, change them, and share what we find with others.

Againnn it is okay for us to be Different!

Acting like we think the same is like pretending that sex is just sex.

Now in concept fuckin is just fuckin right?

But in theory that is why there is different words to explain sexual activities: Smash, slutted out, pipe down, the nasty, be intimate, make love, explore each other or my favorite pop coo!

We wouldn’t have this many interpretations if it all meant the same to us.

Because what you won’t convince me is that every sexual experience has been the same or feels the same.

And if so you’re either delusional, selfish and/or boring as hell! Like do a split or sumn, buy a damn rose toy or like idk start sucking some toes.

For real though I want to be clear that in no way am I saying don’t hunch! Sex is normal, healthy, and quite frankly fun asf (if done correctly/consensual) Cause when it’s comes to me….., IM TALM BOUT INNITTTTT

But seriously, I’m saying why bust your mediocre/surface level ass nut?!

If you don’t learn how to sit with your feelings, your body, your fears, intimacy will always feel confusing. You’ll mistake access for connection, attention for presence, and performance for depth.

We want to be seen so bad but won’t even see ourselves beyond our body parts.

Work on your craft i.e. YOU!

Sharpen your skills and GET IN THERE.

Feel every inch of you.

Take your time with you.

Or keep actin up and you will in fact get snatched up.

You will remember this when you give it up to fine shyt (just assume everything is non-binary lol) who has been performing depth. Then you’ll eventually realize why they were such a Rick Ross level type eater.

I guess down there wasn’t sufficient enough to satisfy anyone.

Yet:)

Don’t let that tear you down! Some of the best eaters usually have the most practice, which just means skill can be learned. Even if it came from filling a void, it doesn’t go to waste. It just hasn’t been used to its potential yet.

Lastly to clarify for the people who think I’m simply speaking on the act of sex (if so you’ve missed the whole point of this post lol).

When I say eating, I’m not just talking about sexual intimacy. I’m talking about consumption. About what we take, not what we return. Some people master access and attention but never learn mutual exchange, communication, time, or presence etc. That kind of skill is born from hunger.

Which brings us back to the real question…

Are You Hungry or Do You Just Want to Eat?

If I wasn’t clear enough with my energy, let me clarify

I’m Starving

Sometimes you’re not hungry. You’re just empty. And that actually is in fact that deep. Hollow even…

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